Changes

It's really late. I really should go to sleep. I just want to sort a couple thoughts, and write out what has been happening, even though I'm the only one who reads this and I already know what's happening...

So, I made it through high school. It was extremely difficult, and I had some really terrible moments, but I did it and I am extremely proud. I didn't cry at graduation or look back at all the old memories and moments with my friends, but I was proud of myself. I don't think the fact that high school is over has completely sunk in, however. My friends are leaving for schools across the country, and it's sad on some level, but at the same time I feel like I'll just be able to see them tomorrow, like nothing has changed. In a way, I feel a bit left behind because I am attending community college due to my health. It's slightly dissapointing, but I know it's the best decision. I think once school starts I will get back into the swing of things - at least, I hope so. There are several students from my high school who will be attending the community college,(my best friend happens to be in my psych class!), so I don't think I'll be too lonely, despite the fact that I am only attending that one class at the actual college and the rest of my classes will be online. I'm sort of just pretending this isn't happening because school has been such a nightmare due to my health...but maybe this year will be better.

A lot of it is in my hands. I need to start going to bed early (uh oh), stop procrastinating (again, uh oh!), and get my priorities in order. And I'm running out of time!!

I know I need to do that, yet at the same time I am just now allowing myself to get into the things that I have spent so many years missing out on. It's summer, I can use my limited energy any way I wish because I am not doing school work (well, except I have to learn how to drive, which hasn't exactly happened...), and I have reignited a few old passions. Namely, makeup, which has been my latest obsession. It sounds silly, but I really haven't had a chance to be a normal teenage girl in so long and it's just a fun thing to do.

I think the key for this year will be balance. Also, getting back to God. I just got back from a trip to Colorado (I'm so blessed that I'm doing well enough to handle a trip like that!), and I pretty much realized that I will not be happy without Him. No matter what. I've gone on vacation, seen friends, bought a ton of makeup and stuff...but I haven't been particularly happy. So I have to get back to God.

Well, my thoughts are sorted, and it's time to try to find that balance again...so, I'm off to bed.